The call

I got a call from my radiologist oncologist saying that after looking more closely at my PET scan results they did find a small area on my abdomen that is still "diseased". So, I had to go in for another marking session. They redid the marks on my chest and sides and added a few on my tummy.

When the phone rang this past weekend telling me I had to do radiation on my tummy I was very upset. The nurse kept apologizing and really couldn't answer any of the questions I had. My Dr. eventually got on the phone and explained that it is hardly noticeable but it does need to be treated.

Luckily, my sisters are on Spring break so they watched Logan and Mason while Keoki and I went to my appointment. It was good to be with Keoki. It's been a long time since we had a chance to be together. We've been working so much lately that I miss him. Anyway, again I started to feel sad sitting in the waiting room and when they called me I jumped up and walked with the radiologist through the swinging doors. Keoki yelled after us and asked if he could come along but the radiologist explained that he would have to wait outside because no one is allowed in the room when the machines are on. I felt like a child walking with their doctor and their parents telling them it's going to be ok when they know its not. It wasn't that bad actually. I got to talk to the radiologist and they were asking me what my doctor said and explained to me that I'll be using the tomography radiation machine. It's a new type of radiation machine that allows the radiologist to view your scans daily to make necessary adjustments. I guess that eased my mind a little. Keoki worked on a commercial last November for that very same machine. It's weird now I'm going to be using it.

So, I'll go in for my first treatment on Monday. I'll get tattooed and then do my first treatment. In the commercial Keoki worked on for the Queen's Cancer Center's Tomography machine the lady looks calm and relaxed like she was in a spa. I don't think that's the case here but we'll see how it goes.

I've got a PET

Shokudo after my last chemo treatment

It’s been so long since I’ve updated my wellness blog. I completed my 12th and final treatment of chemo on Thurs, 2/28. It was bittersweet. I was so happy to know that I was finishing that part of treatment but sad because that’s what I’ve come to know for the past 12 weeks. I’ve come to realize that I don’t like endings good or bad. I get used to something and am afraid of change. Not knowing what to expect next gives me anxiety. Aside from chemo making me sick and changing my appearance I liked seeing everyone at my doctor’s office every week. I’ve made so many friends. I wonder how other patients that would sit next to me and chat are doing now. I hope they are all getting better and beating their cancers.

Last week I had to do another PET scan to see how big my tumor in my chest is and if I have any other areas in my body with cancer. It also tells my radiologist how to treat me with radiation. My consult was today and I am happy to report that my abdomen is free of cancer. Well, I should say my abdomen does not have cancer cells that are detectable by the scan. After my consultation with my radiologist I was sent in for my marking. It was like I was doing a CT scan and they marked my chest and sides with a sharpie. Next week I’ll get “tattooed” and start my first radiation treatment. I’ll go everyday for three weeks or four. Depends how my tumor responds. I have to admit I did tear when I was done getting marked and changing back into my clothes. It is so different from where I got chemo. When I was getting chemo there was so many people around. If you don’t know me by now I’m totally a people person. During chemo you sit next to someone going through the same thing as you. You chat and even when you don’t talk you know that you are not alone. Everyone sitting in the chair in the chemo room understands what you are going though. When you go to radiation you go to the basement. Right when the door opens it feels cold. The place is nice but I instantly felt the difference. I just felt claustrophobic. I realized that I felt alone. I was getting marked and there was no one there to talk to about how I felt. No one sitting next to me agreeing how nauseas we feel or how chips & salsa is the only thing that tastes good sometimes. I was alone with a huge machine making a loud, weird humming noise. Not even a nurse or tech there to talk to. I was and will be ALONE during my treatments. Not sure if I can handle going everyday for three or four weeks. Then I thought how tiring it would be driving everyday to the hospital. Another scary fact is radiation can actually hurt you more than help you. I mean you could get cancer from radiation. I guess you could get cancer from anything but that freaked me out. I’m sure I’ll be saying how it isn’t that bad once I start but it was a little emotional today.

Week 11 of chemo down and one more week to go!

Mason can't wait for chemo to be over for his mama!!!

This past week I went to chemo on Thursday and Friday. Every 3rd Friday is a booster chemo treatment for me. I can’t believe I only have one more to go. They gave me my nausea medication as usual and then started to give me treatment. If any of you know what Ativan for nausea is then you’ll know it makes you feel like you’ve had a glass or sometimes a bottle of wine. I go to sleep every time but this time it made me feel loopy way after I was done with my treatment. I didn’t really feel so good. On Friday I felt so out of it. On top of that I felt so constipated again from the double day of chemo treatments. I just went home and slept it off. I felt way better yesterday. Now, I’m up all night doing stuff around the house and eating again…YIKES!!! Those steroids make you an insomniac and constantly make you hungry. I’m glad I have only one more week of all those meds. I can’t wait to get off most of them.

Oh and on Friday the lovely gals in the chemo room started to talk to me about how they couldn’t believe I’m already done with week 11 and will be done next week. I started to cry and everyone thought It was cute but I couldn’t stop. Is that weird to be sad to be leaving? I still need to think about that one. I’ll blog later ‘cause I still need to think why I’m so emotional about it all. I’m just a crazy, emotional lady nowadays..lol

My 10th Chemo treatment on Heart Day

Valentine’s week was a busy week for me. On Monday, 2/11 I was feeling a little dizzy and lightheaded but thought it was because I wasn’t eating the right foods. All who are around me know that the crazy steroids they have me on have caused me to gain about 25 pounds in about 2 weeks. My face has the classic “moon shape” of chemo and all my clothes are super tight. Who knew chemo would make you fat???? Anyway, I’ve been eating so badly and not enough fruits and veggies that I thought that was the reason for feeling so blah. Anyway, when I went for my blood test on Monday I was told my red blood count was way down and needed a blood transfusion the next day so my body would be able to receive chemo on Thursday. I went in the next day for my blood transfusion and felt way better after.

On Valentine’s Day I went in for my 10th treatment and felt great but on Friday I was feeling weird again. I went home from work and went to the ER. I needed to get a couple of bags of fluid and antibiotics for what seemed like a cold coming on. I felt better that night and way better the next day. The one good thing that came out of my week of hearts is that I got another x-ray of my chest. As you can see the picture on the left was taken about 7 weeks ago. The tumor has shrunk a lot. I’m so happy. Do you guys remember my first blog post of the tumor before any chemotherapy? (go to my previous posts and compare. It’s mind-boggling) HOLY COW it was huge. It seems like so long that I’ve been first told of having Hodgkins lymphoma and now I feel like it’s almost over and I can get back to normal…size that is..hahaha.

The Waiting Room

Yesterday was my 9th Chemo treatment. I have three more treatments to go…YAY! After I’m done I’ll get a scan of my chest and abdomen and we’ll decide on radiation treatment. Our guess right now is Monday – Friday for three weeks. I’ll keep you guys updated on that. I just had to share the picture above because I got some kind of nuclear chemo medication where I had to wear a mask and the nurse had to go full gown and mask. It was a little scary but I couldn’t help but laugh.

Anyway, my doctor is part of On Care Hawaii. This is a team of oncologists located at Queen’s POB II. When you walk into their office you have many people there waiting to see one of the twelve doctors. It’s often very busy because you can do your labs and chemo treatment in the same office. Even though I hate waiting I don’t mind waiting in this office. I like to observe everyone. I like to make sure I smile at everyone in there because we are apart of a group that no one wants to be a part of. But once you're in it you have this new respect for everyone going through cancer and don't mind being part of the cancer crowd. Well not me anyway. I want to tell everyone I have cancer and share my story. I want to make sure that people know I'm here if they need to talk because cancer is a beast and no one should face it alone. I just hope and pray that all of them have the same support that I have. Like I said before, I could have not done this alone. You are all part of my cancer fighting team and that’s the reason why I’m doing so well at this point. Aside from the narcotics..lol…totally kidding. I like when I’m in there and smile and start to make friends. I love hearing their stories about how they found out about having cancer and how it makes them feel. Sometimes people just need to have someone listen and I can see it makes them feel better even if for a little while.

I also realize while I’m sitting in the waiting room that I have been given a second chance in life. I have a second chance to dream new dreams and have new goals. I have a second chance to love others and a second chance to be happy. A second chance to realize to live life to the fullest and have wings to fly. I have to thank cancer for making me realize all of this.

I was reading a book in the waiting room and this quote was in there:

“HOLDING ON” Sometimes, the emotions all come at once. Fear, sadness, confusion, and determination overwhelm me. It’s then I need to “hold on”- to my family, friends and faith for support. Soon the moment passes; I’ve gained strength and can continue to embrace the day and my life living with cancer.

I read that quote and just started crying. It is so true. Thank you to all my friends and family who have come together to fully support me and make sure I knew I wasn’t going to be doing this alone.

I'm so HIRED!!!

I should have posted this a while ago but just didn’t have time to get around to it. I’m lucky to have Angie and Frank as bosses. Back in Oct or Nov of last year we got word that a movie with Lifetime was going to come early January. Well, when I got diagnosed I totally thought I wouldn’t be able to work. Especially after finding out that I would have weekly doctors appointments along with weekly chemo appointments. Anyway, they made it happen and I started to work on Jan. 14. It was weird because just the weekend before I started I felt miserable. I wasn’t sure I was able to make it to work on the next day. Actually, I remember getting up for work and feeling blah but got ready and drove to work. Amazingly, right when I drove up I felt better and as I started to work and get my mind off of my sickness I felt wonderful. Being back to work has been the best thing for me. I did have a couple of days that week when I had to stay home but everyone was ok with it and that’s where I’m lucky. Both Frank and Angie have told me time and time again that my health is more important. I don’t feel any hesitation telling them how I’m feeling or if I need time off. Working on a movie is very demanding and with me doing all my appointments and being out as much as I am puts more work on everyone else. I’m lucky they still want keep me. Maybe it’s because I cry and beg and you can’t say “no” to cancer girl..just kidding. Thanks Frank and Angie for being so good to me and making it happen. Because of them being ok with it they convinced everyone else to be ok with it.

Happy Anniversary Keoki!!!

On Saturday 2/2, Keoki and I had our 6th anniversary. Keoki surprised me by getting off work to spend the day with our boys and me. We ended up going to Chinatown to check out all the festivities for the Chinese New Year. Even though it was raining there wasn’t any parking and I got motion sickness in the car driving all around. We ended up finding parking at Mark’s Garage and didn’t know that they don’t have elevators. Keoki had to carry the stroller down three flights of stairs. Anyway, on Thursday I had my 8th treatment of Chemo and it made me super tired and brought on the nausea. All I wanted to do was stay home and sleep but didn’t want to waste a day out with the boys. I know it’s bad to not listen to my body during this time but I badly wanted to be out with the family. We didn’t stay long because of the rain and Logan freaked out when he saw the Lion Dance. The Lion dance was beautiful and Mason got to give dollars for good luck. I had to give the Lion money too just to seal the deal on good health J. I started to feel faint so we left after a little while and went home so I could sleep. It doesn’t sound like a great anniversary but it was wonderful for us.

I also have the perfect song for Keoki. I know too mushy for y’all but I’m so in love with this guy. Alicia Keys puts it best so click on the video to the right and enjoy "No One". Such the perfect song for us. It’s funny because we’ve been together for 8 years and 6 of them being married. Depending on whom you talk to 6 years is long time or short while. I feel like I’ve known him for lifetimes. We are so connected but I know it’s because of everything we have been through. We come out stronger every time we are faced with something. It’s really because Keoki is so strong and dedicated that he’ll never give up. He’ll never let me give up. Even when it all seems like it’s coming down and I feel like there’s now way it’ll get better. He has a gift to seriously make it all better. I’m an so lucky to have married my perfect man and along with him came an awesome family that I adore and have been a tremendous help during this time. Yes, you can say I’m blessed and I count all my blessings everyday and am very thankful for this life I’ve been given. I hope you all realize your blessings in your life big or small.