6 month checkup

My Mase monster

Last week I had to go in for my 6 month checkup. This would be the first PET scan after I have finished both chemotherapy and radiation. I had to go on an all protein diet the day before getting my PET scan. It's not that bad but hard to stay away from sugar or any carbohydrates. EVERYTHING has either or both of the two. The morning of my PET scan I didn't realize I didn't drink any water. I was too nervous to think straight. I kept doing things over and over again like look in my bag and put it down then come back to look in my bag again to move it. Had no idea what I was looking for but needed to do something to keep me distracted.

My appointment was at 11:00am so I couldn't eat anything in the morning. Why is it that once you are restricted you want it even more? I'm usually not into breakfast but that morning I could only think of how good an omelette would be or a bowl of cereal.

As I check in for my appointment I'm super calm. I'm not nervous or have any kind of anxiety. They call my name and bring me to the prep room. We do the usual routine of explaining the procedure, getting me to change into hospital clothes, and what locker will be assigned to me for my belongings. After changing I have to get a prick on my finger to test my blood sugar level. Same thing someone with diabetes would have to do. Then I get to lay down while I wait for them to start an IV and get me prepped. Everything is going as planned and I'm still calm. They give me a valium to make sure my neck and shoulder muscles are relaxed. Sometimes if you're too cold or too tense when they shoot whatever nuclear dye they shoot in for the PET scan then it doesn't allow the dye to go into those muscles causing a false negative. So, I ask "what does valium do"? I'm thinking of vicodin..lol The nurse replies "it's for anxiety and muscle spasms. I'm a little surprised and feel actually a little good because of my anxiety of getting the IV. Then my PET scan tech comes in to do the IV.

Well ladies and gentlemen this is where the drama begins...
The tech comes in and gathers everything he needs for the IV. I'm cool because the valium is supposed to help with this right???..WRONG! Anyway, I'm laying in the bed and they ask to see my left arm. They put the tourniquet on and start slapping away to see what vein is going to pop up and scream "poke me." (Ok I'm getting woozy just typing this..haha) So after a while he feels like the middle of my arm is good. Everything is going well and then he sticks me. OUCH! I'm turned the other way and notice he's still doing stuff and then I turn over to look and ask "is it ok" but before I do I see his head shaking like he's saying no. Oh my! Then he says "I had it but now I don't. I'm sorry I have to do another one". Oh great! So we do the whole tourniquet thing and the whole slapping thing and he decides he wants to do it on the side of my wrist. ya ok..wherever..whatever. Turning the other way he goes in again. OUCH again. Still no "I got it" or "there we go". I'm scared now. He's still digging around. I don't even want to ask. I'm getting a little lightheaded. Then he says "I didn't get it". NOOOOO...that means I need to get poked another time. He goes and gets another tech to do it. She comes in and is talking to me to try and distract me. On the other arm she does the same thing. First the middle of my arm. No luck! Then the side of my wrist. No Luck! That's four attempts with no luck. She asks me if I drank a lot of water. Oops! I forgot to drink any water that whole morning. That's what I get for not hydrating my veins. Note to self: drink water or else they'll stick you multiple times and torture you. They make a call to the IV nurse but sometimes they're so busy that they don't come until an hour later. Because timing is very critical during a PET scan the first tech comes back and says "the IV nurse might take too long so we have to try it in your foot". WHAT???? He already had the tourniquet on my ankle and off getting supplies when the IV nurse walks in with her cart. THANK YOU! I was really scared about the foot thing. She waltzes in and and has the IV in in no time. He secret weapon? Numbing medicine. It's awesome. Actually the numbing medicine hurt but worked so quickly that I didn't even feel her doing the IV.

Now that I have the IV in I get the nuclear dye shot in me. After I get that I have to wait 45 minutes for the dye to work it's way through my body. This is so boring. I lay there and can't read, cross my legs, put my hands over my head. I try to sleep but who can sleep when so many scenarios are running through your head about getting the results.

After a long wait I walk into the PET scan room. They have you lay down with your hands over your head as they tuck you in and strap you down so you don't move. Another 45 minutes of not moving. You go in this machine similar to a CT Scan and it first does a scan of your whole body and then moves you slowly back until your whole body is scanned.

**THE RESULTS**

A week later I go into see my oncologist for my PET scan results. Usually when you check in the nurse hands you a lab slip so you can draw your blood before you see Dr. It's so he can check on your bloodwork before your appointment. This time I get the slip I'm familiar with and then another slip. I'm confused and scared. Anything out of the ordinary is bad right? I walk into the lab and hand them my slip. Then I get a confused look and he says "oh I need to call about this. I don't know the exact procedure." This cannot be good at all! He gets on the phone and still looks confused. The he asks me "are you getting a transplant"? WHAT??? I say "Oh I didn't see Dr. yet but I guess so. I'm tearing a little because my dr. had mentioned that if the cancer does come back my next step is a stem cell transplant. I'm confident at this point I still have cancer. I have to give 8 vial of blood. I seriously almost passed out. Luckily I have the chemo nurses draw my blood so if I do faint I'm reclined on the chair.

I get called in to check my vitals and get put into a room to wait for my dr. He comes in smiling and nonchalantly in one breath says "Hi Ashley..How you doing..PET scan was clean...are you feeling any new symptoms?" WHAT..Wait HOLD UP! I had to stop him and ask him "So, my PET scan was clean" and he goes 'ya..you don't have any evidence of disease". Whoa..that's huge news. I told him "I almost had a breakdown back there because the lab asked me if I was having a transplant." He goes on to explain that the reason I had to give that much blood was because during my last transfusion the girl who I got blood from did not inform the blood bank that she had a piercing so they have to retest my blood to make sure I didn't get anything. He said I have less than a 1% chance of actually having something from her. That's a little scary but I'm pretty confident that I'll be ok. Actually I know I'll be OK. I'm in REMISSION!!!! YAHOOOOOO!

Life is just awesome for me right now. We're leaving to go to Disneyland in a week. I'll be turning 30 in less than a month and this is has been the best early birthday present ever. I know I still have checkups and there is a real reality that I'll have it come back or another cancer from my treatments but right now I'll deal with it when it comes. I'm just happy to know I'm going to be here for a long time watching my boys grow up and getting old with my Keoki.

Because my blog might get a little boring (as it has for the past couple months) I've decided to start blogging about random things, everyday life or whatever I'm thinking. Hope you still come visit. I just want to keep it exciting while waiting for other tests and checkups.

The Smith Monkeys

Make a Smilebox slideshow

MRI follow-up

gripsmith boys in Hilo, 2007

Last Friday I had a follow-up MRI. I’m not sure if I mentioned it before in the beginning but when I was admitted to the hospital the MRI of my brain showed no tumors but all the vessels were abnormally enlarged. No one knew what that meant and it really scared me. One of my oncologists, Dr. Cho, figured it was all the pressure from my tumor in my chest causing the vessels in my brain to become enlarged. He made sure we did a follow-up MRI to double-check. I don’t have the official results but I asked the tech if the vessels looked abnormally enlarged and he said he didn’t notice it. My fingers are crossed that Dr. Cho was right.

Going through the MRI was really emotional for me. Here’s how my day went.

In the morning I thought nothing of this MRI. I got up early. I got dressed and Keoki made breakfast. None of the boys were coming with me because Keoki is working on a music video and needed time to make phone calls and setup crew. I was totally fine with going alone until I walked into the hospital. I started to feel emotional. As I was finding my way to the imaging department I remembered that I never walked to imaging. The only time I’ve been there was by being wheeled by a transporter when I was first diagnosed.

As I walked toward the MRI department I passed the place where I had my first CT that confirmed my Hodgkins disease. All these memories and emotions are flooding back to me and I’m trying my hardest to not let the tears fall. There are slight moments of distractions and I feel like I’m going to be ok and then suddenly I’m ready to cry again. I walk up to check-in for my appointment. It’s the usual procedure. Have a seat and sign these papers. I hand back all my filled out forms and have a seat again to wait for my turn. I have all this time to think about what has happened this past 6 months.

I think during my treatment I wasn’t so emotional because we had this fight to fight and I was fired up. I had my moments but soon after I cried I was back to the happy, positive attitude. Now, that the score is Ashley 1, cancer 0, I’m afraid. I know I have the best chances that I’d be in remission forever but it’s the slight chance that this will come back that scares me. If it does then it could really be a problem. When we were fighting, we had our target and a plan. Right now I feel like I’m Bruce Lee in his movie “Enter the Dragon.” The scene where he’s in the middle of these mirrors and the bad guy can see him but he doesn’t really know where the bad guy is. I keep wondering if I’ll get blind-sided one day. I’m sure everyone feels that way when diagnosed with anything.

I’m sitting there waiting for my turn and the tears are welling up. Right before I think I’m going to just start bawling my name is called. I’m relieved for a moment and then the nurse asks me to follow her so she can start my IV. YIKES! I didn’t realize I needed an IV for my MRI. I sit down on the chair and tell her my usual speech on how I’m a fainter and blah, blah, blah. She tells me she’ll be right back. I glance into the MRI room and the tears just start to fall. I can’t stop them now. I’m trying so hard to stop but the more I try the more I start to sob. The nurse returns with all her medical supplies in hand and sees me crying. She thinks it’s because I’m going to get an IV..lol In between breaths I’m trying to explain to her that it’s all very emotional because the last time I was in there I was admitted in the hospital. Feeling super sorry for me the nurse brings me to a gurney so she can start the IV. It hurts so bad. It’s on top of my hand and I really try to make like it’s nothing but I start to feel super hot and the room is getting white. I don’t pass out but I came super close to it. I’m lying down for about 5 minutes and the MRI tech tells me he’s ready for me. My nurse runs to get me a wheelchair. Oh my gosh, I was so embarrassed. I only had to walk about 20ft. I refused the wheelchair. I really wanted to sit in it but didn’t want to look like a total baby..haha. I get to the MRI machine and don’t remember it being so small. I was wondering if I was going to get claustrophobic in there. Luckily they make you listen to music and there are bright lights and the AC blowing in there. I swear if it weren’t for all of those things I wouldn’t have made it.

He tells me it’s going to be noisy but I thought because I had my earphones on I really wouldn’t hear it. I was so wrong. It is so noisy. Most of the time I couldn’t hear the music. Then they bring you out to inject the dye. He started to inject the dye and it burned so bad. He tried it again and still it was burning. He told me what I didn’t want to hear. “I need to pull this one out and start another IV”. I swear this wasn’t my day. After trying to find a good vein he does it and it hurts but not nearly as bad as the first one. Then he shoots the dye in and I hardly feel anything. Right after he was done doing that I start to feel like I’m going to throw up. He left the room and I’m freaking out. He comes back and I tell him that I don’t feel so good. He lets me sit up and hands me that plastic kidney looking thingy. He gave me a cup of water and it helped the moment pass. I lay back down to continue the 2nd part of my MRI.

I go in and C&K is playing. The song “About you” is on. Does my MRI tech want to mess with my emotions???? Didn’t he see me in the hallway crying my eyeballs out??? Of course I start to think of Keoki and all that we’ve been through. I start to tear but have to remind myself that I’m going to torture myself if I cry and can’t move. Luckily it gets super noisy so I can concentrate on how irritating it is. After a long 20 minutes I’m done and get up to go home. I grab my bag out of the locker, I say “bye” to the receptionist and get my parking validation. I walk past CT again and keep thinking of that day that I was diagnosed.


**************************************************
Update:

I just got a call today from Dr. Fukumoto. My MRI looks absolutely NORMAL…Yay me!!

Let's get a movin'

I said in my previous post that I had extreme fatigue. Now, that I'm past the two weeks after radiation I have all my energy back and more. As many of you know I hate exercise. I fell asleep one time after doing the warm up portion of Jane Fonda's workout tape. Anyway, chemo has made me gain some weight so I'm determined to ge rid of it. I bought a cheap pair of shoes from Wal-mart and pretty much walk everywhere. I went walking and added a little jogging on Saturday. I was so winded that I almost fainted BUT Ashley always wants to faint right???..lol Then my muscles were sore on Sunday and I was so tired that I thought I didn't want to do anything. I ate a whole bunch of "not so good for you" stuff so almost instantly I was putting on my yoga pants and lacing up my shoes. We went to the park. I still can't run a lot but I notice I can run a little more or walk a little more each time. It helps that gas prices are rising so we try to walk to the grocery store or the bank. I feel so much better exercising. I just hope to keep it up. We'll see what happens in couple of months.

Radiation All Pau

Well, I’m all done with my radiation…YAY! Thank goodness because my body wasn’t ready for any more. On my last day of radiation I was so sick that I had to close my eyes and repeat “Logan, Mason, Logan, Mason” in my head to have the strength to make it through my last session. As soon as I was able to get off the table I almost ran to the bathroom to throw up. It felt great and horrible at the same time. I didn’t realize that radiation had a delayed effect. Whatever I was feeling at the end of treatment was basically symptoms from two weeks prior. I knew that even though I was going to be done I had another to weeks of nausea and extreme fatigue to go. It was like all of a sudden the fatigue set in. For almost a week I couldn’t get out of bed. I only had the energy to use the bathroom and eat. Then it was back to bed.

I had my follow-up appointment with my oncologist and was happy to hear that there was no trace on my PET scan of any cancer cells. But he was quick to tell me that it doesn’t mean I’m cancer-free. He said the PET scan could only detect cancer cells at a certain amount. So what does that mean for me? Well, for the next 5 years I will go for repeat scan and test to make sure it doesn’t come back. If after 5 years of not being able to detect any cancers cells then we can say I’m cancer-free. Luckily for me Hodgkins Lymphoma has a 90% chance of being cured after a combination of chemo and radiation. I feel like I’m already cured. I feel great! I feel wiser! I feel happy!

I was at the Kalihi Sunset in park and Ilona Irvine was on stage singing. She has a beautiful voice and the last song she sang was "Thank you Lord" originally by Bob Marley. Wow! As she was singing my tears just started rolling down my face. Every line I felt was just for me.

THANK YOU LORD lyrics

Thank you, Lord, for what you've done for me.
Thank you, Lord, for what you're doing now.
Thank you, Lord, for ev'ry little thing.
Thank you, Lord, for you made me sing.

Say I'm in no competition,
But I made my decision.
You can keep your opinion.
I'm just calling on the wise man's communion.

Thank you, Lord, for what you've done for me.
Thank you, Lord, for what you're doing now.
Thank you, Lord, for ev'ry little thing.
Thank you, Lord, for you made me sing.

Sing along, sing along.

I don't fear their humiliation,
Just to prove my determination.
I don't yield to temptation,
I haven't learn't my lesson in Revelation.

Thank you, Lord, for what you've done for me.
Thank you, Lord, for what you're doing now.
Thank you, Lord, for ev'ry little thing.
Thank you, Lord, for you made me sing.

Sing along, sing along.

Say I'm in no competition
But I made my decision,
Lord, in my simple way.
Comin', comin', comin', comin'.
I love to pray.

Thank you, Lord, for what you've done for me.
Thank you, Lord, for what you're doing now.
Thank you, Lord, for ev'ry little thing.

Finished one job on to the next

As many of you know I also do photography when I'm not working on film productions. I'm actually glad to be getting back into it because it's been too long. I remember I just finished my shoot with the Anderson Family and got put into the hospital. Immediately after that I started working on a couple movies while doing chemo. I just finished one of the hardest projects I've worked on so getting back into photography will be a good change and allow me to relax. I've been trying to work on my website but with two little boys suddenly interested in what you're doing as soon as you jump on the computer or are on the phone it has been tough. I'll let everyone know when tarynreid.com will be up. I have a couple jobs this month which I'm so excited about. Sometimes I wish I could just do photography but the movies keep pulling me back and they have great benefits so I'm torn. I want it all..lol

Radiation

I finished my first week of radiation last week. It was brutal. I got super nauseas and had to stay home from work on Wednesday. Then Keoki told me he was taking the boys camping and I thought I was going to have my first 2 day weekend alone and it would be wonderful. I was wrong. On Saturday I started to feel a bit funny and ended up having the flu. It was really the flu this time not another tumor…just kidding. So I was home alone and super sick. I didn’t have Keoki there to baby me. I was miserable. I was so bad that I had to stay home from work this week on Wednesday and Thursday. I also had to postpone my radiation treatments on Thursday and Friday. We’ll see if I can continue on Monday.

I know I was going on about how alone radiation makes you feel and it still is but I like my radiation techs and although radiation is the most boring treatment because you have to lay there and not move I get to take little naps. That’s how I make the time go faster. They lay me down on this hard slab and yell out numbers and start to pull and tug and my body to position me right. Then I go in for the first part. I get sucked into this hole and slowly my body gets scanned. Then after about 10 minutes I pushed out to wait for my doctor to look at my scan and make necessary adjustment. I get adjusted and then back into the machine I go for my treatment. You know the radiation is going on because the “Tomo” (what my techs call it) machine makes like a horse galloping sound. I hear it coming and going. It took me a few treatments to realize I was slowly moving backward. Then it seems like you hit the end because you feel a slight jerk and the “Tomo” spits you out. Laying on that hard slab for that long makes my whole body hurt. You feel stiff trying to get off of it. I can’t wait for this part to be over. I’m excited to see my oncologist after we’re all done to hopefully have him say “ok..Nothing on your scans”. That is going to be so sweet.

I’m actually very lucky to be using the “Tomo”. My Dr. had mapped out plans and how surrounding organs will get affected by the radiation with the “Tomo” and with traditional radiation. Let’s just say I’d be getting way more radiation to other vital organs resulting in permanent damage than what I’m doing now. Thank goodness my insurance covered this radiation treatment.

Oh and my hair is slowly starting to grow back. I know it’ll be a while before I have long hair again but I can’t wait to be able to make a bun or even a ponytail. I will never complain about my own hair. I’m so over wearing my wig but still do it to avoid looks in public. I’ll go au natural at home or with family though. I no kea wit dem..lol