Happy Birthday Logan Ryder!!!

Today big bro Logan turns three. I swear he's much older though. I think Auntie Marilyn made a comment when he was a few months old saying he was an "old soul". I totallly agree with her. He is very aware with what's going with me and when I cry out he comes and holds me patting me on my back saying "it's ok mommy, don't cry" He'll tell me to "rest so you can get better". I feel like he's growing up a little too quickly for me. Why can't they just stay little. Logan and I have a special bond. We always look at eachother and give one another goofy looks or just a smile letting the other that we're ok. He is never afraid to ask me about my scars or treatment. Of course he comes to mommy when daddy scolds him. I admit I like it. Anyway, Happy Birthday my son ~ Love your momma and daddy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!....WHOOOOO!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!.....WHOOOOO!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR L-O-G-A-N!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!.....WHOOOOO!

We also want to wish AUNTIE KRISTIN a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOO! We love you!!!

Happy Birthday my Mason Boy!!!

I can't believe my little guy turned one today. Because of all of my treatments and basically trying to keep healthy during chemo we didn't really have time to plan a big 1st birthday party. We were just going to have a small party to celebrate but luckily Aunty Moi, Aunty Nicole and Grandmama are stepping in and planning it all. It won't be super huge but big enough so all the cousins can come and enjoy. Big Brother Logan will be turning three on the 25th so it'll be a combined party. It'll be fun and I am very thankful for the aunties and grandmama for taking on all the stress of planning a party so my little boys can have some fun. Now let's sing to Mason....


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU....WHOOOO!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU....WHOOOO!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LITTLE MASON.....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU....WHOOO!!!

Mommy and Daddy love you so much Mase.

My chemo boosting party

This past Saturday, 1/12, my family on my dad’s side decided to throw me a chemo boosting party. It was great. When we walked in all the ladies were wearing scarves on their heads in honor of me. The funny thing was I was the only one not wearing a scarf. I had my super sexy wig on..lol I wasn’t feeling all that great but being around everyone and all the great food helped make it better for me. I had such a good time. This side of the family hardly gets back together. We definitely need to do it more often. We laughed and laughed the whole time. On top of all the good food and laughter my family got together and presented me with another “gift of love”. I got about $800 to help with my hospital, medical and pharmacy bills and especially gas. I didn’t realize I’d be driving so much going to doctor’s appointments and pharmacy trips. Sometimes I’m at the doctor’s office daily. It just depends on how the chemo is on my body. Thank you family for a great party. I loved seeing you all and we must do it again soon. I love you!

Wiggin' Out

So I finally decided I needed to go wig shopping. I logged onto the American Cancer Society website and the first wig shop they listed was Hino Hairstyles. It was so funny because as you all know my hair makes me emotional. I just start crying like a crazy lady. Actually, I start crying now for no reason. It’s really like I’m pregnant and my hormones are whacked out. Anyway, I got the phone number and started to call Hino Hairstyles. I was perfectly fine until the lady on the other side answered “Hino Hairstyles this is Joann”. I started to bawl. She could hardly understand me but made out that I have cancer and am looking for a wig. She was so nice to me. She told me I sounded young and not to worry because they see lots and lots of women my age with Cancer. Also, she said because of my age I’d have more fun choosing from a wider variety of wigs. She told me to go to their other store on Kalakaua Ave. instead of their Ala Moana Shopping Center store because I’d feel more comfortable. Not so many people at the other store. Keoki took me that morning and I had so much fun trying about 30 wigs. I settled for a longer wig. Keoki called it a “10” so I had to get it. I even got compliments when I wore it to my chemo session on Thursday. I met a girl at chemo and she loved it so much that I had to email her the brand, style and color. I thought that was so cool to talk about wigs. Thank you to Joann and Gordon from Hino Hairstyles for making me feel beautiful. I might be back for a super short one J

Cancer makes you STUCK UP!!!

The reason why it’s been a while for me to update my blog is because week 4 of chemo slowed me down…literally. When you think of someone with cancer and going through chemo you instantly think of hair loss and nausea. I had no clue constipation was a major side effect. I had my chemo on Thursday and by Friday I was already having major stomach pains from all the gas not being able to go anywhere. (I know TMI but it’s better when you hear the whole truth so I feel like you were there with me…lol) I couldn’t take it anymore and tried everything Long’s Drugs had to offer. I went to the ER and they sent me home with a prescription. They had no clue how much pain I was in. The next day I had to go to my doctor’s office for another shot to boost my white cells. I told my doctor, well cried to my doctor about how much pain I was in and they eventually admitted me to the hospital. Queen’s Medical Center was booked so we ended up at HMC formerly known as St. Francis East. Again, we had to start from the lowest dose of laxative and work our way up. I didn’t end up going until almost 24hrs later. I was in so much pain that I was given a narcotic painkiller every two hours. It felt like I was having contractions. The scary thing about the painkillers was I felt like a junkie. I was in so much pain that I was waiting for the two-hour mark to call my nurse in administer the narcotic through my IV. I would lie there and wait for the feeling of numbness start from the top of my head and work slowly down the rest of my body until it hit my abdomen and I was in heaven. Every time I got the painkiller it’s effect was shorter and shorter. After realizing how much I depended on it I tried to hold off. I would still get the shot but it would be only after I tried walking or if I knew it was too painful to even get out of bed. I was discharged on Tues, 1/8. I felt way better but still had some stomach pain. My mom took me home and it was the hardest day. I had to deal with all the pain without medication. Usually Keoki is there and he can just look at me and talk me through it but he was at work. Both my mom and sister Nicole took turns rubbing my back. It really did help calm me. Now, I have a super sugary liquid that I take anytime I feel it backing up. Let’s just hope I take it in time.

Hair today, Gone tomorrow

On New Year’s Day I decided to shave off all of my hair. I was afraid to wake up one morning and have all my hair on my pillow. I had no idea how emotional it would be for me. I figured once I get it off then I can start to accept that my hair is gone. I’ll begin to realize I’m just going through the rhythms of cancer. It was funny because it seemed like Keoki was more scared to see me bald. He used the longest clip on the buzzer then I kept telling him I want it shorter and shorter. Eventually he buzzed me with no clip and emerged was a monk..lol It was funny. I found that my head is oddly shaped but the most shocking fact about my head is that I have a couple birthmarks. WHO KNEW?? I was born with a lot of hair so not even my mama saw my bald head. I also found out my brother has a couple birthmarks on his head too. Thank goodness I’m a girl so I can grow out my hair and cover the odd shape in birthmarks. Everyone says my head looks ok but I feel like it’s weird. Once all the hair was off I instantly felt cold all over my head, ears and neck. I had to put a blanket over my head because I wasn’t prepared with a hat or beanie. Keoki’s mom knitted one up in an hour or so. It was with whatever she had so it ended up being two colors. That one will be for home use only..lol

Healthy New Year Everyone!!!

It’s been a while since I’ve updated my blog. I hope everyone had fun ringing in the New Year. We usually go to my sister Nicole’s house but we decided to stay home this year so I could take breaks in-between the fireworks. We bought a lot of fountains that Logan and Mason enjoyed. Logan even had fun cleaning up all the mess afterward. We just want to wish everyone a HEALTHY NEW YEAR!!! We love all of you and are blessed to have you in our lives.

You have to lose the hair to beat that cancer

To add to my misery my hair started to fall out this weekend. I would run my fingers through my hair and strands of hair would be in my hand. It was sad but didn’t really hit me until we got home last night. I was in the shower and hair was just coming out. Not in clumps but lots of strands. This is the first time cancer got to me. I know I have cancer but it’s the first time my emotions took over. I just started to cry and cry in the shower. In the beginning when I was told my hair was going to come out I was ready to shave it off and see the odd shape of my head..lol. I had my first wig from my friend Skeeter and felt ready to just shave it all off. But when Keoki cut off my hair I had a cute haircut that I would have never done. I started to like it and now it’s going to be gone soon. I got out of the shower and was in the room changing. I was ok but the tears just started rolling again. I couldn’t stop it. My son Logan heard me and told daddy that mommy was crying. Keoki ran in and grabbed me. I was sobbing so hard at first he couldn’t understand what was going on. Then I just kept saying “my hair, my hair”. He smiled at me and said “I’m glad to see your hair go that means we’re getting rid of your tumor”, “You have to lose the hair to beat that cancer”. He told me that it’s a way of starting anew and seeing me go bald to having hair will show him that our fight is almost at an end. He convinced me that it’ll be fun seeing me grow like a chia pet. He’s too funny. I swear I love that man for knowing how to make things all better. He says that I’m the strong one but he has no idea how amazing he is for doing everything and still managing to keep us smiling and laughing through it all. We are very blessed to have him. I love you Keoki!!!

Chemo week three - check!

As you know last week didn’t start off so great. Luckily the shot to boost my white cell count worked almost instantly and my blood work on Thursday showed normal levels. I’m on a very intense and aggressive chemo regime. Instead of six months of treatment I will only have three. But, that means the medicine is much stronger and will probably make me sicker during the shorter period. Every third week I have to do my regular chemo on Thursday and a “booster” chemo day on Friday. Oh my gosh! It was the toughest week so far. On Thursday they had to pump me with two types of nausea medication. It knocked me out. I slept through Chemo and came home to sleep another 15 hours. I got up maybe twice to use the bathroom. That was bad because I didn’t eat. I felt too weak to get up for my “booster” session. We made it there in time. I just felt weak, tired and nauseated. Again, I was pumped with the same nausea medication before starting treatment. The whole weekend my body would switch between feeling ok to feeling junk.

The Mask

Ever since being discharged from the hospital I’ve been told to wear my mask (You know the ones you saw every person in China wearing when the bird flu was first discovered). I just shook my head and knew deep down inside I couldn’t really go out in public and wear that on my face. Keoki of course makes sure I do EVERYTHING the doctors and nurses say so I would get yelled at for not having my mask on even in the house. I hated it. Any chance I would get I would take it off and every time I did Keoki snapped for me to put it back on.

My attitude toward the mask changed this past on Monday, 12/24 when I went in for my weekly blood test to make sure my body was up to receive chemo on Thursdays. My white blood count was 0.5 with the normal being a 5. I could feel it. I couldn’t initially walk from the car to the doctor’s office. I had to rest in the car for 15 minutes. While waiting in the exam room I had to lie down. Right when my Dr. walked in he was concerned about my blood work and the fact that I just looked down and out. He immediately put me on two antibiotics and a shot that I would need to get everyday even on Christmas to boost my white cell count. He stressed the fact that I should be taking my temperature constantly, washing my hands, and wearing my mask. He told me if my temperature hit over 100 degrees that I should go straight to the ER. The common cold could land me in the hospital for days with a white blood count like that. I really felt the seriousness of the situation and didn’t care about weird looks or stares. I just wanted to make sure I didn’t see the ER again and that I could be home with my boys. Now, I go out and wear my mask everywhere. Keoki doesn’t need to tell me twice. I actually want all those curious people to ask my “why”. It’ll give me a chance to let them know so they don’t feel so freaked out. It might also give me a chance to share my story and maybe make a new friend.